Let’s start now: Where I am: yes I’m here.

It’s kind of a what-the-heck-was-i-thinking feeling still, but on the whole, it’s a crazy experience (good and bad together).

So let’s recap- descent into fandom was six years ago, a lovely period of discovering late night crack Arashi shows and skinship and shippings and OTPs and OT5s, glitter and the likes. Upbeat cheerful songs, awesome carnival-type concerts, blasting music while driving and doing the hand actions in sync, downloading videos once a week in school, watching youtube (hnngg where is arashi on youtube now SADFACE) during free periods in the afternoon…

And then four years on, it gradually started to die down, what with Arashi finally getting their recognition, prime-time tv slots, commercials, appearances to a large audience and no more indie-genre crack, having to focus the show on guests, rather than showcasing themselves and the fun-loving crazies they are, AnS staff leaving (I still am totally upset about this one), it just, didn’t feel the same.

I got so disappointed when they first started their prime-time slot, and I think some arashi member cracked a lame joke, and the audience response was “huh? Err…”,  there was awkwardness before some other member had to rescue it with an apology and another joke. It was particularly sad because if it were still a late night show with a small audience, no apologies would have been required, just a sharp jab at the person and the show would proceed; but now, they have to actually worry about being entertaining with every other line they say.

Not that Arashi doesn’t do a great job at it, it’s just now they have this added pressure to be constantly entertaining, but nobody can do it 24/7, and even in their older shows, there was this heart and connection with people (see MMA and some D no arashi eps) that made them different from normal variety shows and celebrities.

But I digress.

Anyway, back in fandom, I used to read large communities and sometimes read about people finding all ways and means to get to Japan, to go to one of their concerts, to breathe essentially the same air as them, even visiting Aiba’s brother’s restaurant. Then, there was also this debate about whether going to Japan for ESL because of Arashi was a legit reason; it wasn't exactly glamorous to have motivations from ‘stupid idols who don’t even know you exist’.

So I had mixed thoughts, personally, it was pretty annoying for all the posts that went ‘I got ESL, now where do I get Arashi con tickets’, but still, it was an experience that every Arashi fan wanted, so why not for them?

And then, Japan happened. Seriously, like I wasn’t even thinking about it specifically, I just wanted to experience a period of overseas stay, and was thinking, anywhere would be fun, anywhere. And yes, that anywhere offer turned out to be Japan. I remember freaking out internally when I heard that, trying my best not to squeal or break out in surprised goosebumps. It was overseas, it was perfect. And because I had watched Arashi videos for pretty much five years, basic conversation Japanese was understandable- single words for essential food: prawn, chicken, beef, water, large, small~ the likes.

And then I went: oh great, I’ve degenerated into the arashi fangirl that I dislike…

But still, overseas!!!

I took it.

And I’m here now. Arashi is not big here in Osaka; no big billboard posters, no everyday news on TV (or maybe I don’t watch that much), but they appear in little sprinkles: Kirin poster adverts in trains, stand-up cardboards of Sho in banks, and yesterday, I flipped on the TV and chanced upon Himitsu no Arashi chan (which by the way the current format is just horrible, I didn’t even get to see all five together! Just Ohno and Aiba and 3 other guests guessing about food-I DON’T CARE WHICH IS A SPECIAL MENU AND WHICH IS NORMAL FOOD IT’S BOTH DELICIOUS FOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE), and well, I guess if I didn’t fall into fandom I might not have dared to step into Japan what with the language and cultural barrier after all.

Still, every day outside is fascinating- the food for one, I could continue eating my way down every other stall. The fashion, the vibrancy, the porcelain-doll like girls (who draw eyeliner on the rocking train like a boss), the boys with their attractive long black coats and matching scarves and gloves, THE SNOW.

So yes, I’m crazy, and this is only the beginning. I’ll probably die a thousand times from depression later in the year, cry from homesickness, feel absolutely helpless and/or useless at times, think I’m a spoiled brat that has no control over finances, but I know that this experience is just one of the little chapters and I should, and will enjoy it with what I have right now.

So Arashi fans: living in Osaka or nearby, who want to know me, please, do drop a message and we can hang out (and maybe fangirl at the JE official shop in Shinsaibashi together).

as inspired by Cougar Town ending and Leona Naess' lovely song...
(Also, happy Christmas and may you be blessed this holiday season with the warmth and company of loved ones!_ just realised how apt my fic is for the hols ha :p )
(also also, ive been missing comments~ so if you've popped by and liked this, leave a comment to say you do! highly appreciated :)

I'm not ready
and I'm not even close
I'm not like the rest
No, i ain't like most
So don't hold your breath
And don't count to ten.
I'm still messing up
Gonna do it again.

Nobody remembers how the little bonfire and random shouts and dancing to badly strummed songs started, all Sho sees is the blinding whiteness of teeth in the darkness of the beach, past the flickers of orange hues and sparks of flints. Toma stumbles past with a empty bottle in hand, making funny shoo shoo sounds as he spreads his arms like a airplane and kicks sand onto Maki’s dress. She chucks a handful of sand at him in response.

The night breeze picks up and Jun passes blankets around as they huddle closer to the fire; if anybody notices how he is just one short and proffers to share with Mao, nobody mentions it, but Sho sees crinkled knowing smiles all around.

 One hand on the trigger
and one eye out for ghosts
One foot on the floor
and one glass in the toast
We're not ready
and we're not even close
We're not like the rest
No, we ain't like most

So lets go out late
Drink a lot
Stay up past eight
And then dance
Dance all night
Leave our boyfriends behind
Leave your girlfriend behind

The beach feels like it’s theirs, just for tonight.

Sho turns toward Ohno, whose face is beaming back at him behind the curtain of orange. He’s singing along to the music, eyes never leaving Sho, who feels tingly goose bumps spreading through his toes. It feels like a million thoughts scrambling through his mind, trying to make themselves known. Running ahead carelessly for the past twenty four years without a care for hurt or failure, not knowing what lies ahead, Sho finds temporary solace in this; he chooses to ignore the melancholic thoughts, those whispering in ear and reminding him that tomorrow, tomorrow he will leave this place, break hearts, abandon friendships, run away from childhood. He focuses instead on the now, on the blush of Ohno’s cheeks, on the hidden stars in Ohno’s eyes reflecting the flicker of the fire.

 Oh lets call our friends
And pretend
We've got ages till the sun
Comes along
Till the end of the this song.

Maybe the infinite possibilities that present themselves will tumble onto little parallel universes of their own, spiraling and diverging into many paths of future scenes, but.

While he has this now, the opportunities are endless.

 Oh, lets go out late
Drink a lot
Stay up past eight
And then dance
Dance all night
Leave your girlfriend behind
I'll leave my boyfriend behind.

Tonight seems forever to him.

Ricewich

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Relaxnews

(I'm just itching to write but the words just won't come. WHY. Also, satomi/arashi fic NAO after watching VSA 100701. Why hasn't anybody in fandom mentioned that episode? It totally flew under the radar until I was scrolling through the episode lists for VSA. Hellooo why hasn't anybody mentioned satomi's awesome?)

Anw, random ficlet because...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMA!!!!


Hamburgers! Nino’s mind screams happily as he walks into the green room to be greeted by the scene of Toma and Ohno enjoying dripping hamburgers in their brown patty fried glory.

Hey Maou team, he chooses to say instead, calmly kicking away Toma’s lanky feet as they wiggle in greeting, and digs through the white plastic bag on the coffee table for food. Toma comes up for breath in between bites, sauce dripping at his chin and mouth full with beef. It’s really good, he gushes as Ohno exclaims in agreement, and sheepishly mumbles his thanks when a tissue is flung at his face.

Nino knows how good it is, he’s been thinking about it since his Niji rehearsal; after they asked for dinner orders- he narrows his eyes at Toma’s last bits of the hamburger as they disappear between his teeth mashers. Ohno seems to sense Nino’s silent distress, and violently signals to Toma, who seems oblivious to his impending doom.

_

The security guard down the corridor is jolted out of his slumber a door slams open and a disheveled looking Ikuta Toma scurries out with apologies, narrowly missing a flying shoe across his head. A desperate but he’s our kouhai shriek is heard, followed by a death hiss of maou traitor, as Toma opens his mouth to the guard to ask for directions to the nearest hamburger stand.